Getting through a breakup happens in several stages. First, you feel what you need to feel at the moment, happy, sad, or relieved, you have to process your emotions. Then you can start to move on, or at least try. And at some point, you’ll probably want to reach out to your ex. It’s completely normal to want to call them and it doesn’t make you desperate or anything, but before you give in and dial your ex, think about why you want to.
Intuitive dating coach Diana Dorellsays there are plenty of reasons you might feel like reaching out to your former flame, including missing them, feeling lonely and just talking to the person who knows you so well and loved you. But these aren’t all good reasons to call your ex. According to this expert, it is okay to call if you need some information they have, like about a shared bank account you’re trying to close out, or if you share kids or pets and need to communicate about them, or if you’ve been on a break and you realize you want to get back together.
So basically, if it’s not an urgent matter or you don’t want to get back together, don’t make that call until you’re really sure. Dating coach Frank Kermitwarns that there could be repercussions if you do reach out, like one of you getting reattached or having someone new you’re seeing be hurt or offended you’re talking to your ex.
And if you only want to reach out to your ex for closure, Dorell has a trick you should try first. She says you don’t need to talk to them face to face, just close your eyes and pretend they’re in front of you and say all the things you want to tell them. Get it all out, then thank them and say, “I free you and I free myself.” Sure, it sounds corny, but it could help you making a phone call you’ll regret and end up feeling worse.