When it comes to relationships, we all have different approaches based on our preconceived ideas of how we think things should go. This can be limiting, but one dating expert says understanding our dating styles can help us better understand ourselves and our potential partners, and maybe even help us communicate more effectively, too.
According to the author of “How Not To Die Alone,” and behavioral scientist turned dating coach Logan Ury, who happens to be the director of relationships at Hinge, most people tend to fall into one of three dating styles: the maximizer, the hesitator and the romanticizer. "The core idea is that many of the people I work with suffering from unrealistic expectations," she explains. "And then I categorize them based on that unrealistic expectation."
Here’s how the different dating styles break down:
- The maximizer - These types believe they haven’t met the “right” person yet, but if they keep dating different people, they’ll eventually find the “perfect” partner. Logan says this dating style isn’t ideal because searching for perfection - which doesn’t really exist - keeps people from building healthy relationships.
- The hesitator - Rather than having unrealistic expectations about others, hesitators have them about themselves. Logan says these types are often waiting to be the best version of themselves before they start dating, but waiting around doesn’t help that. “Dating is a skill,” this expert explains. “You only get better at dating by actually going on dates.”
- The romanticizer - The third style is the person who loves love, and that can leave them with unrealistic expectations about what a romantic relationship really is and how they should start. Logan says these types tend to shy away from dating apps and putting in the work because they don’t consider those things to be romantic. Instead, they’re waiting to be at the farmer’s market and meet their perfect partner when they both reach for the same tomato. She tells the romanticizers that she doesn’t believe in “the one” or a soul mate and works to help them understand that “putting effort in is romantic.”
Source: Well and Good
Photo: Getty Images