Having a baby is an exciting time for couples and there’s a lot to do before their little bundle of joy arrives. But as prepared as new moms and dads may feel, they may not be prepared for the negative effects of sleep deprivation, especially the toll it can take on their relationship. So when you’re getting ready for your first child, experts recommend doing a “pre-baby tuneup” for your relationship … before the daze of weeks or months of not sleeping solidly, as well as hormonal and identity changes.
This is what experts suggest doing now to “babyproof” your relationship to avoid major issues later:
- Talk about values & dreams - Get real about your expectations about parenthood, each other, family, traditions and values. Connect with your partner over your vision of parenting, both what day-to-day looks like and the big picture. Sure, things will come up that you didn’t expect once your baby is here, but the more you can work through now, the better off you’ll be when you’re in a brain fog from lack of sleep.
- Learn how to fight - You may need to revise the way you communicate and resolve conflict after becoming parents. Conflict is part of relationships, even healthy, happy ones, and letting things slide may get harder after having a baby. “Kids trigger us in ways we can’t always anticipate,” explains intimacy expert Gina Senarighi. Figuring out when you feel overstimulated or triggered is a good start, then find strategies to help calm down, and have your partner do the same.
- Divide labor fairly, for real - Who does what around the house is one of the most common sources of conflict for couples. A pre-baby tuneup is a great time to look at whether you both feel things are fair and what you can shift to make it fair. Then, keep checking in with each other about how the plan is going and adjust as needed.
- Gather your community - Now’s the time to ask for help! Line up support for the first few months of parenting to ease some of the burden. Also, plan time to connect with your partner, even if it’s just taking a walk together while grandma watches the baby for 20 minutes. “You’re not going to want to do it, because you’re going to be so depleted by the baby care,” explains psychotherapist Lina Acosta Sandall. “It has to be a daily choice. What you’re avoiding is the deterioration of your relationship.”
Source: The Washington Post
Photo: Getty Images